Grieving the loss of a pregnancy is a difficult grief. It’s filled with a sense of loss, confusion, anger and so many questions. It’s an empty grief filled with wonder. What could I have done differently? Did something I eat cause this? What would he or she have grown up to be? Would he or she have looked like me or dad? So many questions that keep playing.
I still think of my peanuts and I celebrate the creation of them. Perhaps they didn’t get to take their first breath of air or I didn’t get to hold their little hand but they were once a little bitty creation inside of me and I will forever remember, honor and celebrate them.
This kind of grief is unique and I hope to help you as I share some ways that helped me get through the initial moments of grief after miscarriage.
Acknowledge that God is with you. You might have all kinds of questions and concerns but first and foremost, close your eyes and know that God is with you. You might be angry, sad and frustrated but even in those emotions, He is with you. Talk to Him and share your heart, even the ugliness you are feeling. Trust me, He can handle it and He understands. Tell Him you are angry and upset. Relationships are built on communication and it’s vital during this time, to keep the lines of communication open with Him, even if it’s not pretty.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2
2. You Are Not Alone.
Look at the people around you and be thankful for them. Hold your husband’s hand and allow the loss to bring you closer together. If you have family or friends surrounding you, hold them a little tighter and be thankful to have them by your side. If for some reason you do not have a spouse, partner, friends or family then reach out to somebody. Visit your local church, join a support system in your town or even reach out to an old friend. I’m also available to anybody who feels alone in this! Reach out to me, I will pray for you and walk along side with you. Nobody should face this kind of loss alone! firstname.lastname@example.org – I am always available for anybody who needs support during this time. Email me and we’ll chat.
“Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.” 1 Peter 3:8
3. Just Be.
Just be during this season. Don’t feel pressured to move on, a broken heart takes time to heal. If you are sad, just be sad. If you are angry, just be angry. If you are frustrated, just be frustrated. Don’t push yourself to healing. Give your broken heart to God and allow Him to put it back together, allow Him to heal. So many times, we try and heal ourselves by masking the pain with work, alcohol, drugs, staying busy etc. Try not to do this. I know it hurts but try not to mask it. Try to just be in that emotion you are feeling and know that it’s okay to just be. Jehovah Rapha is a Our Lord, Our Healer.
“LORD my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.” Psalm 30:2
4. Love on others.
When you are ready, find a way to love on others. Loving on others brings us to a place of fullness. It allows us to take the love we have for our angel babies and spread it to others. After our first pregnancy loss, I started reading to children at the local library. It’s my way of loving on children and allowing God to use my pain for a greater purpose! I started Project Purpose as a reminder to women that there is purpose in the pain. We can love God and ourselves by loving others. Find something that brings others joy and do that in honor of your angel baby!
“Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Ephesians 4:2
Through it all, pray! Don’t lose site of God and who He is in you. Seek Him and lean into Him and know that He loves you. We might not understand why things happen and we may never get answers, but one thing remains, He is still on the throne and He still loves you!
“Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.” 1 Chronicles 16:11
I’m praying for you and I pray that these steps can help you as you seek healing after your loss.